No Karma points

First, I have a confession to make… I found a loop hole at the clinic… on accident.  Turns out if the staff feels bad enough for you, they will put you on the schedule.  Under normal circumstances, you don’t get put on a schedule until you pay and sign a contract.  For my past two… creeping up to three cycles… I got scheduled with out paying.  Every time I would go to an appointment I would wait patiently for someone to notice.  No one has noticed that I haven’t paid.  We owe them a lot of money.  No one knows. I feel like I robbed a bank.  Every time I hear a siren I duck in hopes that they aren’t after me.  I actually feel guilty confessing this.  How did this happen?  I have no idea!! Don’t worry… apparently you don’t get a baby unless you actually pay.  I want to pay.  How do you tell them you haven’t paid?  Maybe I don’t want to pay.  Maybe I feel a little bit ripped off about that IVF cycle that was paid for in cash $24,000 and ended up with nothing.    Yea, that’s right they owe me money.  And that, my friends is how you justify these types of things.

Don’t worry, it will catch up to us.  Maybe God is like… save your money for that adoption you are going to have to pay for.  God is GOOD!  Sorry God for all that hostility I had. I hope maybe he understands.

I think I am the first person in the history of the world that this has happened to.  I seriously don’t know what to do.  Please don’t hate me.

I’m trying to get my meds ordered.  Not fun.

I have lost all faith.  Please bear with this mad woman!  I dont want to be negative, but honestly… is it negative when it’s based off of factual statistical data? I cant get pregnant (maybe if I say it enough, the universe will spit on my face and grant us a child out of spite… I will take what I can get).

Work is bananas right now.  I work for a medical diagnostic company.  First, Im going on vacation and everything is always due right before you leave.  Second, and this is sort of sad.  We are having major product issues on a particular method.  Each method is a test that a doctor would order up.  This particular test is used to dose anti-rejection meds.  Long story short… Sum Ting Wong and hospitals are turning away patients for transplants.  WTF!  Im certain that this is no good for my Karma.  This leaves many of us running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get this resolved ASAP.  Im trying to get good Karma points.  This isn’t helping!  We are doing everything we can to fix it.