catching up

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Okay, this post is a long time coming.  I am really sorry it took this long to post.  Here’s the thing.  Im a brutally honest person.  This experience has been scary.  It’s also not that awesome.  I spent so much time trying to get pregnant.  The thought truthfully never even occurred to me what it would feel like to be pregnant.  I never thought we would be here.  With that said, I am incredibly grateful to be in this position, however I feel the need to be real.  And with that said, I totally understand why most of you, if not all of you would not want to hear it.  So I’ve been quiet. 

 

Im sure that there are people out there having a grand old time being pregnant.  I have to be honest…. I am not one of them.  My first trimester, I really didn’t have too many symptoms.  Everything was pretty good.  Around 16 weeks, all hell broke loose.   My feet were killing me.  Wahhh poor me!  I know, I know.  It felt like every ligament in my foot was snapping with every step I took.  Well then that went away. WINNING! 

ONLY TO BE REPLACED WITH SEVERE CARPAL TUNNEL.  I just woke up one morning with carpal tunnel in both arms.  Not just pins and needles carpal tunnel, but what I would equate to what drowning in an ice pond would feel like!  My arms, hands, wrists all felt like they’ve been submerged in an ice bath.  Combined with pins and needles.. all day and night long.  Nothing would eliminate the pain.  This went on for a month.  I just broke down last week and saw a specialist.  Post cortisone injection, I feel amazing. 

I started feeling movement about 3 weeks ago.  What does that feel like? A fucking alien trying to scratch its way out. Totally insane.  I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t that.

 

Peed myself while sneezing the other day.  Way cool.

 

Also, my boobs itched like none other… after a thorough investigation… they are leaking a clear sticky substance.

 

I hate to complain, however NO ONE PREPARED ME FOR THIS! I was beyond miserable.  Im hoping now that I have functioning limbs and can drive a car without excruciating pain that things will start looking up. 

I mentioned earlier that my boss was fired.   Our team complained regularly about Grimmace.  Nothing he did seemed to matter. He told a coworker to go on a business trip naked.  He compulsively lied.  He told us he hated the company.  So much had happened… none of that mattered!  It was so frustrating.  We started to accept that this was how it was going to be.  Then one magical morning we were called into a meeting… where we were told… “As of this morning Grimmace has been terminated.”. Wait, what?!!!! We all sat there in shock.  Not one of us could believe it.  Speechless.  Conditions at work have improved dramatically since then. 

We all have those relator people we know that MAKE TERRRIBLE PARENTS!  FOR ME, THAT WAS MY COUSIN.    As we struggled for years to conceive, she got pregnant, did drugs while pregnant, had a perfect baby girl.  Failed a drug test, had custody taken away, let my aunt raise her baby.  Never made an attempt to better herself.  On numerous occasions, I tried to help her find a job.  I tried to help her.  Two weeks ago, we got a phone call that she was in the hospital from sepsis.  Then we got a phone call that the situation was bad, and she was on a ventilator her kidneys and liver were in failure.  My brother and I decided to pay our last respects. We saw her hooked up to the machine.  We had just saw her the week of the fourth for her brothers wedding.  She looked great.

 

Long story short… she had a UTI.  She actually had antibiotics to treat it.  However she stopped taking them because it upset her stomach.  Her Uti turned into a kidney infection. That spread to her liver causing sepsis and organ failure.  She didn’t know she was in serious pain, because her new drug og choice was heroin. 

 

I have never seen anything so horrible in my whole life.  I could tell when we saw her that she was gone.  My aunt just sat there crying… “ my baby girl”.  As I sat there pregnant I couldn’t help but feel her pain.  You want many things for your children… but never this. 

I had to call my Mom, who lives in Texas… she asked how she was.  I could tell she had hope.  I explained that its really bad.  The best thing we could do is pray that she passes quickly. 

 

Her daughter doesn’t yet know of her passing.  I cant believe this has happened to this sweet child.

 

In happier news, we found out the sex!  IT’S A GIRL! We couldn’t be happier. 

 

Again, I apologize for not posting.  Im going to do better!  Im also hoping now that im feeing better, I’ll complain less.  Miss you all.  xoxo.

ps  im sorry this reads like a 4 year old wrote it.  im sleepy. 

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4 responses »

  1. I’m so sorry about your cousin. She doesn’t sound like the greatest person but I feel for her daughter and mother. That must be horrible for them to go through.

    Yay for the baby girl! I’ve only had a month of girls but I can already say that they’re super fun! I hear you on the horrible aches and pains. Nobody ever tells you about this shit.

  2. Oh I am sooooo happy to hear from you! Leaving us hanging and worrying like that…. tsk, tsk. (Just kidding, but I HAVE been thinking about you!)

    Don’t be afraid to post about all the crappy parts if pregnancy too. Just because it may take us longer, a hell of a lot more money, and heartache to get to that point, doesn’t mean it’s all a breeze. You have every right to complain when you feel crappy, so long as you still can appreciate how you got there of course 🙂 It will all be worth it in the end (so they say!) Ha! I love that you wrote about feeling her move is like an alien trying to scratch her way out. I can’t wait to feel mine move, but I’ve been imagining it feeling exactly that way!

    I am so happy for you and excited for your baby girl. Wishing you a smooth 3rd trimester. Hope to hear from you again soon!

  3. It is so good to hear from you! I can related to the sneezing and peeing. 😦 I now sneeze with my legs crossed!
    I am so sorry about your cousin. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

  4. I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin. Her poor daughter.

    Don’t worry about posting on the cons of being pregnant. it’s certainly not all unicorns and rainbows. I started getting swollen hands/feet around 17 weeks. I have already had to take off my wedding rings (engagement ring is a half size bigger so at least that is still on my hand). As for your other pregnancy symptoms, I don’t have those but I have others. It’s crazy how pregnancy affects your entire body!!

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