Maybe I’m alone here, but I doubt it.
A few weeks ago when I was ready to admit that there may actually be a baby at the end of this journey… I remembered something.
The dress was something my husband and I purchased years ago while vacationing in Mexico. Before we knew about infertility, before we knew about polyps, diminished ovarian reserve, low sperm count, failed IVF, embryo adoption, failed cycles, and a complete loss of hope.
Mexico was “our last vacation before we had kids.”
“BAHAHAH” SAID THE UNIVERSE!
As time went by, and the thought of anyone ever actually wearing the dress became less of a reality, I tucked that dress away, knowing it would likely never be worn.
After finding out that we were actually having a baby girl (fingers crossed), a few weeks went by before I remembered the dress.
When I pulled the dress out, everything we had been through for the past few years came flooding back. I had put it aside. It felt bittersweet as I held that dress. That dress was so much more than just a dress. It was hope. Pulling it out forced me to reflect on everything. I just cried… the kind of cathartic cry that somehow releases you of SOME of the pain you’ve carried with you over the years.
A few days after the re-discovery of the dress, I was talking to a very dear friend of mine. We started talking because we are both nuts, and we were cycling at the same time. She also has a blog and has recently decided to stop treatment and move forward childless. Without knowing about my dress, she mentioned that she wanted to send me a gift. A dress she purchased during her last cycle.
Tears rolled down my face, because I know exactly what that dress meant to her. I can say with sincerity, that this will likely be one of my most cherished possessions.
This story doesn’t always end well for some of us. I will never forget what we went through to get to this place. I love you all, and truly hope that someday there is a baby in your “dress.”
**PS… because I know you are reading this… I love you dearly and hope someday in the very near future, that pigs do fly and you have a baby of your own. I truly understand why you decided to move forward.