The dress

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Maybe I’m alone here, but I doubt it. 

A few weeks ago when I was ready to admit that there may actually be a baby at the end of this journey… I remembered something. 

The dress. 

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The dress was something my husband and I purchased years ago while vacationing in Mexico.  Before we knew about infertility, before we knew about polyps, diminished ovarian reserve, low sperm count, failed IVF, embryo adoption, failed cycles, and a complete loss of hope. 

Mexico was “our last vacation before we had kids.”

“BAHAHAH” SAID THE UNIVERSE!

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As time went by, and the thought of anyone ever actually wearing the dress became less of a reality,  I tucked that dress away, knowing it would likely never be worn. 

After finding out that we were actually having a baby girl (fingers crossed), a few weeks went by before I remembered the dress.  

When I pulled the dress out, everything we had been through for the past few years came flooding back.  I had put it aside.  It felt bittersweet as I held that dress.  That dress was so much more than just a dress.  It was hope.  Pulling it out forced me to reflect on everything.  I just cried… the kind of cathartic cry that somehow releases you of SOME of the pain you’ve carried with you over the years. 

A few days after the re-discovery of the dress, I was talking to a very dear friend of mine.  We started talking because we are both nuts, and we were cycling at the same time. She also has a blog and has recently decided to stop treatment and move forward childless. Without knowing about my dress, she mentioned that she wanted to send me a gift.  A dress she purchased during her last cycle. 

Tears rolled down my face, because I know exactly what that dress meant to her.  I can say with sincerity, that this will likely be one of my most cherished possessions.  

This story doesn’t always end well for some of us.  I will never forget what we went through to get to this place.  I love you all, and truly hope that someday there is a baby in your “dress.”

**PS… because I know you are reading this… I love you dearly and hope someday in the very near future, that pigs do fly and you have a baby of your own.  I truly understand why you decided to move forward.

 

 

 

 

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5 responses »

  1. Can I first just say how happy it makes me when I get to read a new post from you? I am so happy that you still have that little one growing and are getting closer and closer to that take home baby. I am so glad you are going to have a little girl to put that dress on. And I really do hope that pigs do fly and your friend will have a baby of her own.

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